Tuesday, June 2, 2020

My Life Matters

I want to preface by saying that

  • This is my belief and opinion based on observation and experience. You may disagree but please respect my words even if you disagree with them
  •  In no way am I comparing what I have been through to more serious ones that have occurred and are occurring as we speak. However at its core, they do emanate from the same place; one of hatred, bias and racism elicited through a perception of power and executed by force..now, on with the show
  • The details of some this are fuzzy as i've been clouded and not exactly told. I've told this story but not really the complete story. I feel its time, fitting and clarification of my reaction towards world events

In the spring of 1994 I was in the swan song of my military career, serving the last 2 years of my enlistment at Moody AFB in Valdosta GA. Valdosta is located less than 5 miles from the Florida state line and about 100 miles NW of Jacksonville. So kind of deep south but being a college town it didn't always seem like it but when it did, it really did.

I was taking college classes at the university in town and since I worked during the day, the classes were from like 7-10 or something like that. The base was about 15ish minute drive direct or there were a couple of other ways which I would take home sometimes when I wanted to just wind down and enjoy a night drive. One of these routes took me part of the way through an affluent neighborhood where it was quiet and relaxing and helped me unwind. I didn't commonly take this route but occasionally it was therapeutic.

So one night I'm driving that route, windows down, music at reasonable volume and going just under the speed limit in the residential area when I see a car that was behind me for about half an hour is a police car. I think nothing of it as I figure patrols this area pretty regularly. I turn onto the main road and out of the area and the lights come on. I drive a bit more to get to safe area to pull over, reaching my hand up to point that i'm doing this. He speeds up a little and screeches his tires to a stop. He shines the bright light into my car and as i am reaching for my registration/insurance and license he says over the megaphone.

Freeze and place your hands on the steering wheel

Confusedly, I comply and hear him slam the door, light still shining into the car, the reflection of in the mirror hurting my eyes. I wanted to knock the mirror into that downward brights mode but was nervous to move. He walks fast up, I hear hurried crunching on the rocks and he shines the flashlight into my face as I turn to look at him. I turn to look in the passengers side and he yells again, shining the light into my passengers seat.

What are you looking at” I swear he reached for his hip but that part is foggy as my heart was racing and I was terrified. “Look at me”

“I was going to ask if I could get my license and registration” getting more nervous, my voice was probably shaking a little.

Oh, btw he was a tall, probably 6'5 or so (just a shade taller than me) stoutly built, thick southern accent and yes, white but with his intimidating stature he might as well have been 8 feet tall (I say these as statements of fact, some opinions are in this story but facts are facts as I recall them)

He shines his light around my car, its messy of course with my briefcase/school books

“Can I ask why I've been pulled over?” I inquired

Because I felt like it and because I need to know why you were driving slow through this neighborhood boy” (yes he did say boy, I was 26, 8 years military and I even had my vehicle pass on the front; he never walked around the front to see this)
I'm coming back from school”

“This isn't the way back, tell me the truth why”

I repeated myself and he frowned then leaned in a little.

We don't like your kind here, you do not belong and need to stay out I had to stifle my snark for once as I went from nervous to scared. This is not exactly a highly traveled road that I'd turned off onto to be out of traffic. I had to resist the temptation to inquire further with a why not but it came out as..

“Yes officer”

He gave me an intimidating look for what seemed like forever then walked back to the car, headlights still shining in (I was driving a Geo Prizm so his car was higher up than mine. He sat there waiting so I signaled, turned around and back into traffic, driving under the speed limit to my house which was about another 10 minutes. By the time I got home I was hyperventilating, and once I calmed down I got angry and every time 

We don't like your kind here" My kind? Is this for real? Is this the 60s again? I was in shock still. I mean I'd encountered it some forms. 

Sidetrack: At a biker bar in Wisconsin, (1992) I was told that "No one wants your kind here" Luckily a friend who was a regular there actually went down and asked every person at the bar then came back and said

"Looks like you're one with the problem here" I just smiled, nodded and took another drink. Needless to say we left soon after and found a friendlier bar that night.

But back to Georgia. I complied with the rest of his requests, shocked into silence and obeyance. I mean I grew up in a small town in Kansas but the last few years of military experience as well as living in the cultural diversities of Las Vegas and London has toughened my skin and strengthened my soul to this kind of thing. Its kind of like one of those things that I hoped didnt exist yet knew still did. 
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I tell this story, usually a shorter version, it gets me angry. This is the most major example of dealing with law enforcement discrimination. It is real. Its not cliché, most blacks have dealt with some form of treatment from verbal like mine to physical, sadly, which is where I was fortunate, But words hurt too.

Its the attitude, the intimidation that they feel they can use; justified or not. It can even be looks, like second takes when I was driving or shopping in 90210, being followed in stores etc. Sometimes its blatant, others its subtle. But its there. To think its not is sheer denial and living in a fantasy world. The only change is how, be it enslavement, segregation, 3/5 compromise, the KKK and now abuse from those placed in position of power.

We deserve equality, we've fought for it, we've strived and worked for it. We get a bone here and there with the Civil Rights act (a good thing Nixon did but really had no choice if he wanted to avoid what we have now) but this has been building up and now the volcano has gone off. With us standing up and speaking our mind via legal demonstrations to draw attention and say that we won't and cant stand for this anymore.

Recent events, actions and protests are not new and have been happening since the beginnings of our country. You see contrary to what some may state or believe, prejudice, racism and stereotypes are alive and well in the USA with their roots, seemingly, where they've always been strongest; the American south. From the origins of slavery through the civil rights battles of the 60s to present day controversies over flags and statues, the south has never been a wholly friendly place to those who aren't of a certain skin color/ethnicity/sexual preference.

And in present times, it has spread and has now infected our country with no antidote. Minority abuse, discrimination and unfair, unjust, unprovoked treatment can no longer be stood for. Hear our voice. See our frustration. Respond in kind. The death of George Floyd is the match that set off an existing powder keg and now, justice must be served, swift and completely and actions must be taken to prevent it from happening again. Because without changes, it will. Systemic racism is contagious and has spread like the existing virus yet doesn't get the attention it deserves.

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