Upon hearing my diagnosis one of the first things that I, apparently (I was still “influenced” by anesthesia) said was...
“Well, it’s been a good run” Indeed it has.
As I stare down the barrel of my mid-40s, I get reflective both in nostalgic remembrance and in where the fuck did the time go. I have a lot of memories and subsequently a lot of stories. Someone once told me that you could bring up damn near any topic and I would have a story for it. From skinny dipping in Utah Edinburgh
Recently though a couple of very close acquaintances brought up some points that had not crossed my mind yet ring very true. One stated that when my symptoms first appeared, my life was at the best point that it had been at in quite awhile. I had a great job, a girlfriend, a stable living situation and inner peace with myself, my past and my future. She then went on to state that what if my body was holding things back while I dealt with them and once things were stabilized, it couldn’t hold them back anymore. My body wanted to make sure that I was at a good point and had experienced life. And as my other dear friend stated “At least you got to live a full life before this”,
Truer words were never spoken. My life has been a figurative and literal journey of memorable proportions. But don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I’m done. Not by a long shot. I have not given up, I will not give up. Not now, not ever. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a stubborn one and I am not going to let my body’s shortcomings stop me from doing the things that I am still able to do. Yes I do have limitations but they are hurdles not roadblocks.
I have often said that life is one long fun road with occasional serious off ramps. I say this mainly because I think that some people take life too seriously and you have some fun
“Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
So as I move into my mid-40s, I see this as more of a turning point. I’m not done living yet; I don’t even think or feel like I’m halfway done. That long road of life may now be under construction, but it is not approaching a dead-end; it is simply a detour and rebuilding towards a different path. I may get frustrated, I hate road construction, but I will try to keep it moving forward. Like a cyclist, I have people along the way cheering me on. The road may be going downhill, but I’m picking up speed.
“What a long strange trip it’s been” – Truckin - Jerry Garcia. (The Grateful Dead)
Indeed it has.
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