Approximately one year ago today, Biff first reared its ugly head. So do I regret that green beer and the shot of Jameson one year ago today? Absolutely not. Why you ask? Well sit a spell and let’s talk about it.
Everybody has regrets; we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. That decision we made that seemed to make sense to us at the time but in retrospect, turned out not to be so wise. While it’s true that hindsight is 20/20 think about it; while the decision may have been regretful you have to look at the big picture to truly see its impact. Many a pot of gold has arisen from some bumps along life’s path. Be honest, would you really take back that one drunken night if it meant that you wouldn’t have that friend that has stuck with you through thick and thin ever since? There are jobs that I regret leaving, places that I regret moving from and friends that I regret leaving but time and age has shown me that I wouldn’t be exactly where I am now, if I hadn’t made those decisions when I did. One thing that people forget nowadays is to take life as a Monet; see the big picture.
I have made the joke more than once that I regretted and would give back every drop of alcohol that I ever drank in exchange to not have to feel like I do on a daily basis. Then I pause, both thoughtfully and for dramatic effect, and say “Nahh, I’d only give back half for half the pain”. I have far too many good memories, good times and did indeed make some good friends during times that involved alcohol of some sort. Anyone who has spent any time around me at all has probably heard me spin some yarn about a drunken adventure I had. Be it doing 26 shots of Apfelkorn (a tasty apple-flavored German liqueur) and having a two-day hangover or being advised by a friends mom that she didn’t know D & D meant drunk and disorderly.
I can’t remember at what age I had my first drink of alcohol. I’m sure it was somewhere in my high school years and earlier than I probably should have. And throughout life, I never was a heavy, at one sitting, drinker. Sometimes though, as in my case, it’s the body of work not the individual moments that will do you in. Frankly I’d say the number of times that I drank more than 6-8 drinks at once is much lower than most would expect for 20-plus years of drinking. I was a social drinker. I would hang out at bars or with friends and drinks would almost always be involved. Did I think that drinking almost every day was a problem then, not at all. Do I think so now? Honestly I’d say that despite the circumstances, the jury is still out. Most of you may respond to that with
“Seriously? With all the pain that you go through daily, all the pills you have to take, the drastic lifestyle change and all the “whining bitching and moaning that you do on here? How can you say the jury is still out?”
And I would reiterate, through a wincing pained smile, that these things are a part of life. Decisions are a part of our every day and each one we make affects our lives and the lives around us. Call it a kind of butterfly effect I guess. Look closely every little thing you say and do. Analyze its impact on your own life and the people around you. Change one little thing in any aspect and the whole balance of your existence is modified ever so slightly. Put enough of those moments together and you start to lose memories and pieces of our lives. If we regret those decisions that resulted in something with an immediately negative connotation, then we’d probably shelter ourselves from that reality of life that surrounds us.
So, looking back one year now, do I regret anything I did in my life up to that point? Absolutely not. They are what gave me the wonderful family, amazing friends and endless memories that I hang onto now when I need them most.
Thank you.
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