Ice Cream Castles

Post Christmas, Pre New Year ramblings:

a) Biff loves to play Grinch as he's not been behaving the last few days. Just because I haven't mentioned doesn't mean he hasn't made his appearance known this holiday season. Even when I satiate his sweet, he still rears his head ( I can only keep him at bey for so long). To wit..

2)  I had some mouth-watering, delicious double chocolate cake for breakfast from my amazing mother Janice Salisbury My taste buds liked it, Melissa approved, Biff didn't. Now if I could just have World-Class chocolate ice cream without going to Topeka or Olathe, for dinner)  To wit..

iii) I want to start a petition or whatever it takes to get a Baskin-Robbins back here to Lawrence. I know I would be a frequent visitor and patron.

E) Does anyone know of a restaurant in town that serves panna cotta and so is it any good. (going on a self-taught class/experiment on dessert-making in between class). This desire comes thanks to Chopped, Top Chef and other cooking shows so I'll like to try it and Melissa has no objections ). Anyone with recipes is welcome to submit.

Back to the couch to the Vicodin and Biff duke it out in my abdomen. Hope you had a great Christmas so far and a happy New Year if I don't talk to you before then (any bets on the odds of that happening)


Carry on..

8.5.7

So Happy Together

Do me a favor dear followers;put aside the anger and frustration of the current snowy conditions and go with me:

Look outside now. What do you see? White ground, white trees, white leaves and basically a white sky. Everything is the same, harmonious and together. This doesn't happen very often so drink it in. Right now, the normal variations and differences in aspects of nature are uniform. Personally I think it’s beautiful and peaceful to look at and kind of puts me at ease considering all the things in the world, both mine and all over.

I am aware that it causes logistical problems, medical problems and becomes a general inconvenience but please, for me, look at the vision of the world that I described and that Mother Nature has given to us

If nature can work together to show us beauty, why can't we. I am not asking you to forget about or dismiss the things in life that cause consternation, I’m just saying  please, for me, look at the world that I described.  Breathe and drink it in and appreciate it, send your brain on a brief snowy respite.

Then go back to your problems, issues, differences or whatever with a renewed sense that amidst all things in life that have and do  occur to and around us, nature indeed can turn all of its different colors and scenes into one uniform vision of beauty and peace.

Thank you for taking the time. 

8.5.7

A Day To Remember

*Let me preface this by saying that my words here may be a bit more disjointed than normal but its a reflection of my feelings on that day*

Being a proud American and military veteran, I felt that I couldn’t let today pass without saying something. There are things about that day that stick in my mind. 

•  I remember my friend Jeff calling to wake me up to tell me what happened. I didn’t take him seriously because he’d done this before with reports that “the government is admitting UFOs are real” or some other conspiracy theory that he’s apt to want to bring my attention to. But this call was different, I could tell by his voice having known him all of my life.
• I remember the hardest phone call I ever had to make, to my friend Lauren a New York native living in Los Angeles at the time.  Her scream will forever be burned in my mind as she watched her home in flames.
•  I remember being stuck at home from work because my engine had died the day before and thusly I got deeply immersed in all of the news coverage so I became more knowledgeable and thusly more emotionally affected by it all
• I remember going online to AOL at the time, to find out about my friends in the area to check and see how they were.
• I remember wanting to write something but the words were just not there. For one of the few times in my life, I was silent.

Then I remember the aftereffects in the days, weeks and months following

•        At the time I was knee deep in my freelance film critiquing and yet I had no desire to see a movie.  It just seemed to give me a greater sense of priority and movies were not one of them
•        I remember going to work, for a major credit card company, and the accommodations that we made for the affected citizens. Namely, whatever they wanted, we did for them. And I did so proudly
•        I remember my first trip to New York City two months afterwards and seeing a city still stunned, shocked and saddened. I remember the memorial next door at Grand Central Station. I remember the abundance of NYPD and FDNY apparel of which I proudly sported. I remember seeing the smoke during a boat ride around the Statue of Liberty; a contrast of freedom and tragedy. And I remember not wanting to go to ground zero because while I would like to pay my respects, I would be upset if there were profiteers trying to make money off of it in the wrong way and I may get arrested if I come across the wrong person saying the wrong thing.

September 11^th was, in my memory, the darkest day in US history. The lives that were lost, the security that was compromised and the sense of fear amongst as a nation will, hopefully, never be forgotten. What happened afterwards was nothing short of inspiring. People were proud to be Americans again. People put their differences aside and showed why we are the UNITED States of America and while it is sad that it took such an event to do that, I am glad that we the people reacted that way. Yes, we should have been angry. Yes we should have wanted revenge and yes, in my opinion, we should have retaliated and please save your comments on the ongoing wars there as I agree that it may have gone a bit too far but that’s not the point. But the key in the beginning was to come together and that’s what we did.

Twelve years later, I think it’s a day to put our political differences aside on this. Infighting and such, going past healthy and productive debate, is not necessary on a day like today. Today is a day that polarized us as a nation, at least from my perspective and so I ask, please, that for today we remember that we are not Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives, Independents, Libertarians and the like. Today, we are Americans and it should be United We Stand.

 Thank you and God Bless America.

The Biggest Part of Me

My mother always tells me to keep my positive outlook on things when I post or talk about the negative aspects of this disease and I’d like to think that for the most part I do my best to do just that.

When I get those dull throbbing aches, I counter with a slice of my time-sharpened witticisms about my past experiences.

When I get those blinding, burning pains, I counter with insightful, humorous anecdotes.

When I get those stabbing, uncomfortable pains, I shoot my mouth off about my controversial views on current events in relation to my life.

I have always used humor as a defense mechanism in dealing with emotionally heavy situations. Just ask anyone who knows me. Life itself is one long, fun ride with a few serious but necessary curves and bumps. I believe that one of my purposes on this planet is to do what I can, using what I’ve lived through and what I’ve learned, to try and bring as many smiles and much happiness as I can. I feel as if I’ve lived 3 lifetimes in my 45 years (including at least one since my diagnosis) and I have been through (and survived) a lot. Life has knocked me down several times and even out a couple of them. But I have gotten back up every time. I am a fighter and this is an aspect of my life when my stubbornness actually can work in my favor (no matter how much it may frustrate my dear loving mother) and I’d like to think that I am one of the most resilient people that you will ever meet.

So remember:

1.       When you see me complain about having a bad day with this horrible illness.

2.       Or when I talk about being in pain from it or nauseous from all the pain medications that I take.

3.       Or when I exhibit my frustration in any number of ways that I was given this rare disease possibly of my own, possibly not. Doesn’t matter.

4.       Or on those days where I am down, physically and/or mentally weakened enough that I cannot or am not be myself, I have the best, most amazing network of friends and loved ones who are too numerous to name here, to pick me up and support me until I get back on my feet.

Remember that I will bounce back. Like MacArthur I will return. Like George Carlin I will crack a joke, or make tasteful, good-natured jokes or observations at people or society. Like Jon Stewart, I will give you sarcasm or a humor laden commentary on current events that affects us all.

Remember this. Like the phoenix, I will rise again. And I will keep rising every time. I have a tough road ahead of me, I know that.  But I will not let it get me down. I will not let it control me. I will not let it define who I am.

Hey Biff, you dirty, unwelcome, uninvited bastard. I dare you to bring it on bitch. I am not afraid you. . I am bigger than you. I am stronger than you and I always will be. And I will always fight with everything that I have an am. You cannot and will not take that from me. With my inner fortitude and the support of my friends and loved ones, I will overcome. Always

United We Stand..

I feel like I woke up inside a season of 24.

I would like to reiterate something that I said the other day though. This is not the time to spew political rhetoric, from either side. My leanings are well known but save it please, namely those who troll in the comments sections of articles saying things that they wouldn't have the balls to say in real life. You have your beliefs, you have your opinions and you have your thoughts. The freedom and beauty of America allows that, more power to you. All I am saying is in the midst of all this can you please bite your tongue for a few. The time will come for discussion, debate etc but this is not it. This is the time to bond together as a nation, Rep and Dem, Liberal, Conservative, Independent, Green Party, Ron Paul, Ralph Nader, the Hale-Bopp comet and Gozer worshippers. Together, United We Stand. This is the country that I fought and served to protect. Can we set the differences aside for now and focus on the victims, their families and catching the lone person who still did this to bring them to justice. 

I close with my previous post on this. It may be repetitive but it gets my point across. "Please do me, and the victims and families a favor, out of respect. Do not point the finger of blame towards any political party (Reps or Dems, Conservatives or Liberals, Obama or Bush etc.) This is not the fault of any of them. It just isn't the time or place to express political rhetoric. This is horrible, tragic and a time to band together as a nation. Remember the old phrase, united we stand etc etc. Thank you. And if you don't agree with me, go ahead and delete me and if you spew it at me, odds are you'll be toast. Not. The. Time. God bless America

Information Society

Since May 27^th, 2010 (or March 15^th 2010 if you go back to when the symptoms started) I have had to deal and live with a very enigmatic disease/condition/illness, however you choose to define it. I choose disease because it reflects the seriousness of it. It is enigmatic because they are not 100% sure..

1.      What causes it

2.      How to treat it

3.      What causes the pain

4.      Why it is incurable (re: why doesn’t the pancreas regenerate like other organs)

You can research, Google, look up on the internet and it will reflect as such.  Here are some links from, what I would consider, reputable sources:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001268/

http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/understanding-pancreatitis-basics

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pancreatitis/DS00371

Actually, there is one thing that is 100% (I believe, medicos/sufferers correct me if I’m wrong) and it is that consumption of alcohol, in my case even in the minutest amounts which involves cooking with it (yes I’ve tried it and yes it had the same effect as consumption) What else has it changed?

1.      The biggest change is the pain. I am in some form of pain at all times. Sometimes burning, sometimes cramping, always uncomfortable. Even medicated it is down to a discomfort

A bit of insight into this pain as some have asked what it feels like. First and foremost it is located in my upper abdominal area, starting near the middle just below the sternum (the head of the pancreas) and then to the left (the body and the tail) below the ribs to my left side sometimes radiating to the back (since the pancreas is in the middle of the body). In comparative terms I’ve given this basic description.  Most of the time it feels like you do when you eat way too much and cramp up (say during your Thanksgiving indulgences). At its worst, it is a burning pain akin to someone taking a poker, holding in some coals and then shoving through my left upper abdomen. Make sense? Sound fun?

2.      As I said, no more alcohol in any form. No way, no how
3.   I have to take no less than 25 pills a day just to make it thru, including enough high powered pain killers to drop a small Indian elephant and they don't phase me in the least. 

4.      I cannot sit or stand for long periods of time nor walk for a long distances (say a block or two) without needing to rest, recover or deal with pain and be out of commission to recover (I once spent 5 hours at the Columbus Zoo, sitting for breaks every few minutes and subsequently being unable to function much for the next 2 days) 
5.  My weight dropped from 192 lbs to 154 lbs in 11 months. I have since gained about 23 lbs of that back but it still yo-yo's unpredictably
6.  My appetite is basically gone, I cannot eat as much as I want, my diet is more low-fat than before and my taste buds are all out of whack

I have to wonder something though, based on recent history, and that is that my friends on here may not understand the disease, its effects, its disabling nature and the effect that its had on my life. So I’m willing the have a little Q & A here. Ask me anything you want about it, curiosities, things you may not understand, clarifications, anything and I will answer it to the best of my ability. I want people to understand that this has turned my life upside down. It has completely changed the way I live, the things I can no longer do and the drastic changes that I have had to deal with. I do not want there to be any confusion on the matter, namely why I feel like I am worthy and in need of Social Security disability insurance. This is my future, my life blood and something that I need for my future survival to try and maintain the closest semblance of normal that I can with this. So, the floor is open. Ask away

A Wonderful Night..

Step into the wayback machine with me Mr Peabody..

Time was, when I was doing my freelance film criticism, this night was one of the highlights of my year. I was seeing around 150 (196 one year) movies in a year and therefore had a thorough, in-depth understanding and knowledge of most things cinematic. Tonight, was the apex of all of my viewing. All those Friday and Saturday afternoons in the dark, all those Sundays spent writing, creating and posting the reviews for my site, it all lead up to this. There were even 2-3 years where I did in-depth articles about my analysis of who should be nominated and thusly who should win. It was fun. It was exhilarating. It gave me a rush. I loved it.

I have always been a movie fanatic, I have always loved most things cinematic. That hasn’t changed a bit. So why did that aspect disappear? Long story short, ironically, was California. Hollywood. Where the magic happens, my move there tapered off my movie viewing/writing to the point where I’m lucky if I see 10 movies a year (I used to do that in a month). Could I do it again? Who knows. My life is a mass of unpredictability but it would be nice to get back in touch with that side of me.  Everyone has their passions in life and from about 1998-2003, reviewing movies was mine. I still have my opinions (don’t bring up Big Lebowski, Napoloeon Dynamite or Nicholas Cage) which I am not afraid to voice and never will be. This thing may diminish my body but I’ll be damned if it takes my mind. So tonight, Seth, please don’t screw this up (no James and Anne, no Oprah/Uma) and Academy, please get it right. 

Another Day In Paradise

Pardon my seriousness for a moment: I feel like I have to say this every so often so bear with me. I try my best to bring smiles and laughter here through these glimpses into my life and mind. But the truth, as most know, is that every day is a fight for me. A fight through pain, nausea and other related symptoms resulting in near constant medication (bear with my repetition, most of you know all this already). 

Fight of my life sounds so melodramatic and that is one thing I try my best to avoid but it is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with and recently my condition has gone noticeably and inexplicably downhill. But I still fight every day, its all I know how to do. I try to keep my life as close to some semblance of normal and who I used to be as I can. And I will always fight, one time when my stubbornness (thanks Mom, Janice Salisbury for that) comes in handy. But truth be told, as I have said ad nauseum, having my loving, amazing wife and soulmate Melissa, my best friends Becca and Liza, my like-minded "sister" Janette and the entire network of friends and support that I do is invaluable. However you do it, via a shoulder, an ear, thoughts, prayers, words here, they are all very important to me. So in my typical long-winded way, I'm trying to say thank you. One and all. 

Hard to Handle

I don’t have a way to sugar coat, tie it into a relevant pop culture reference or sync it with a story from my past. All I can do is say is this; I am scared.

I am scared that something has gone wrong inside me because the last few months have been the worst in the 2 ½ years since my diagnosis

I am scared that my doctors whom I, for the most part, do not trust are not taking me, my diagnosis, my treatment and/or my prognosis seriously

I am still scared that somehow, someway this is all in my head

I am doubly scared that this upcoming procedure next week will either:
   - not show anything (making the new doctors doubt me that much more)

b     - more importantly, show that things have gotten worse and there is additional damage

Thusly I’m scared that:
  -  It doesn’t show anything that things will remain status quo treatment and medication    wise
 -  if it does show something that there really isn’t much more that they can do besides throw more drugs at it.  Frustrating but also its all they can do

I am scared that my attorney may not believe as strongly in my case as I first thought she did.

Thusly I fear that Social Security will not believe me or take me seriously and tell me that I am not disabled and can still work when I know damn well that I can’t and subsequently

I am scared what I will do financially if they do deny it once again

The greatest fear that most of have is the fear of the unknown; we all have it in some form or another.  It is only natural. Kids are scared when they start school, people are scared when they start a new job and of course people are scared on first dates. Why? Quite simply that when you cannot see what happens next without being there, it instill a sense of fear in the what if's department. It may also bring excitement and anxiety but I defy anyone to say that there are not even a little scared of those things which the answers to are not readily visible and available. 

My illness is wrought with unknowns. Aside from being a fairly rare disease it is also very enigmatic. There are next to no guarantees when it comes to most aspects of it. The only sure thing is that drinking WILL make it worse and if kept up, it WILL kill you. I won’t let that happen.

As I have said numerous times and can’t see enough I love many, many things namely my wife, my family and my friends and regardless of the results of things, I will not give up on them as they haven’t on me. I am resilient and I’ve fallen down before and always get up and will always keep getting. I am scared, I am down right now but by no means am I out.

Prologue: People may be tired of hearing about my illness and me ranting about it and I can see why. However when you have something like this that pervades and affects nearly every aspect of my life, it is hard not to talk about it once in a while. Thanks for putting up with all of this.

Point(less) of Know Return

Sometimes I can say things better in writing than out loud and this may just be one of them.

For those you who know, via occupation, Internet research or my ramblings, pancreatitis is a terrible disease. It is rare, enigmatic, unpredictable and frustrating beyond comprehension. Depending on the research you believe, it occurs in approximately 4-8 per 100,000 people. Some of this, I believe has to do with misdiagnosis, ignorance or just plain lack of knowledge on the subject. In fact, I have a wristband, in the spirit of awareness campaigns, for my disease made by a friend of mine who I believe is selling them if I’m not mistaken

To be frank, I don’t know where this rant is going. Sometimes when I write, I start with a simple idea and then expound upon it. I usually do not have anything completely done but I open up my head and let it pour out; unedited and pure. Then I will review it once for making sense and grammar via Word checker and go with it. I do not believe in over editing. If you look at something enough times you will find edits and you have to draw the line somewhere. For rants and blog entries, that line is 2. In school papers that line is 4-5. Hell sometimes I don’t even have an idea, I just sit down and start writing

Writing has always been cathartic for me and its one of the few things that I think I do well. I used to do a lot more of it but I’ve slacked off not for lack of time but for lack of just motivating myself and sitting down and doing it. Sometimes I have a point, sometimes I don’t. And as many of you also know, I love to tell stories and I have a lot of them. I’ve lived a lot in my 45 years and have forgotten very little about. People say that I write like I talk. Those who have seen both will probably agree, those who haven’t are probably not surprised.

One of the interesting parts about rambling is that since you never had a goal to start with, you can stop anywhere and no one will be the wiser. When I get like this, I just write until the flow of ideas stop. But it does help to at least develop some semblance of a goal otherwise will audience will think you’re just a rambling mess and stop reading as I fear some people have.

But now a new factor has come into play. The pain; it is a double-edged sword. On one hand it can be therapeutic to write and let things out but on the other hand it distracts my brain and makes it hard to focus, remember and communicate in general. So you’re stuck with my rants just as I am stuck with this damn pain. Forever. And that’s a might long time. The words rest of my life haunt me sometimes and occasionally send me into a state of sadness. I do emerge from it. The length of time directly correlates to the level of pain and how much I dwell on it. And since I am in near constant pain of some level, I fear I will never be as good of a writer as I could be and as my talent should reflect.

So I know this is long and different from other entries but this is basically it. No witty no pop culture references, no relevant personal experiences. Just me because it’s just one of those nights that happens and will continue to. Now and always. It makes me sad, it makes me angry but it also makes me, me. Does not define or control but just..is. Peace

8.5.7

Hold On Hope

This may not be as much of a creative or entertaining entry as much as it is a technical, straightforward one.

There is a glimmer of hope on the horizon and I will take them wherever and whenever I can get them.

There are very few things that put smiles on my face regarding my pancreas (mainly supportive wife and friends and Vicodin which make life more tolerable As many of you may remember, I have had several procedures done in the diagnostic and analytical aspects of my disease. I have had a CT, Ultrasound, Endoscopy, and Nuclear Gallbladder Scan to name a few. But the most important one, in my opinion, is one called an Endoscopic Ultrasound (or EUS as it’s more commonly known).  For the unfamiliar, it involves putting a camera, with an ultrasound monitor attached, down my throat to look around inside my abdominal area. The reason this procedure is good is because the pancreas is buried near the back behind the stomach et al.  This allows a more introspective look at Biff in all his painful glory. 

Praise be to all; the clueless VA doctor has actually okayed the procedure, in order to take a look at things to see why my pancreatitis pain and general health, has worsened over the past few months. The procedure is outpatient and not very risky at all and it was recommended by my previous and much more trusty gastroenterologist, to have at least one a year for that express purpose. This is definitely a step in the right direction in my eyes towards instilling confidence but I still want my other doctor back. Those who have been with me for a bit may know the importance of this and it makes me more comfortable having these things done.

What this means is my life just got much busier. In the 19 days I will have:

1.      A pre-hearing conference with my disability attorney regarding my hearing

2.      If my wife, hopefully, or another friend if not, can get the time off then I will the procedure one week later.

3.      Then the hearing itself one week later

4.      Not to mention my homework for both of my classes (20^th Century Art History and Criminology)

5.      PR for Let My Mind Flash With Blades and auditions for the 10-minute play festival as well as rehearsals for the play that I am coming out self-imposed retirement to return to the director’s chair.

Stress usually has a bad effect on my health in general but these are all good kinds of stress so I should be okay. Plus there is then a slim chance that Thor (a celiac plexus nerve block that I have had 3 times in the past) could be resurrected.

This whole experience has been harrowing and frustrated at times so I cling onto any glimmers of hope that arise in regards to it. So fingers crossed that all of these things will result in positive outputs; something that help with my morale and mental as well as direct effects on Biff himself.  Also it may help my disability claim depending on the results.  And on another note, I would like to once again thank my friends one and all for your concern and support in all of this. Onward and upward I hope and as usual, thanks for putting up with my rants and taking the time to tolerate my ramblings. Peace, love and carrots to one and all.

8.5.7

Workin For a Livin'

So as many of you know I am no longer able to work due to illness and have subsequently filed for my disability which I have a hearing on in 22 days after two denials. In both of the denials the reasoning given was that I can still do something to the effect of “light work”. All I’ve wanted is to be able to sit down and converse with someone to ask “what kind of work?”

Find me a job where I do not have to sit and/or stand for long periods of time, do any kind of physical activity, where I can take frequent breaks due to pain, discomfort or to take any of my multitudes of medications (no less than every 2-3 hours) and miss multiple days of work when I am having one of my “bad” days which I have at least once a week. Then state, look if you understood the nature of my illnesses and the change that it has caused in my life, then maybe you would think differently. I have near constant pain, I have nausea, I get winded easily, and any kind of stress triggers my flares which are distracting and at times debilitating. If you can find me a job meeting all of those questions, as a minimum, then dammit sign me up for it.

Since 2007 I have taken jobs for the sake of having employment, namely customer service and phone jobs. They are low stress for the most part, low physicality and basically what I call my “Wal-Mart greeter” jobs. I have already done my serious, grown-up job as an industrial hygienist for 12 years (8 military and 4 civilian) so I felt I have earned the right to take these kinds of jobs to coast in towards retirement or inability to work. Well guess what, I am now unable to work and am basically retired now, not by choice. So now, all I want to do is have someone listen to me and take me seriously about my present state of life. Just listen!! And give me feedback. Show me some empathy or sympathy to the extent that my condition warrants.

I have a fairly rare disease that strikes approximately 3-5 out of 100, 000 people and it is permanent and disabling, unofficially for now. I have doctors who will attest to it. I have witnesses who have known me before and after and can attest to how my quality of life has changed drastically. Please just listen and take me seriously. If I could, I would work. Hell I’ve held jobs basically since I was 15 so I’m not looking for a government hand out or to mooch money off the government because I am too lazy to work. I can’t! I tried and almost lost my job involuntarily (even though I was laid off and decided at that point that it was futile to even try when taking all the factors into consideration. I want to, but I can’t and it’s due to these afflictions that I have. Please just take this into consideration when you judge me and make your determination. I just want a fair shake. Is that really too much to ask?

I know this was more of a rant than a blog entry per se but I’ve found that writing is my catharsis and therapy to maintain as much a sense of normalcy as I can have for the rest of my life with this crap.

Thank you for taking the time and putting up with my venting session. Take care and have a very day. 

8.5.7

Back To The Future

As most of you may know, I am no longer able to work due to my illness. If you’re curious about that, scroll down to The Chronicles of Biff for more details as I won’t be rehashing what most are already aware of.  My days consist of a whole lot of nothing, in the grand scheme of things unless you consider what household chores my physical limitations allow me to do and when in session my homework from classes to glean something productive and long overdue in all this. Hell, if I didn’t have a clock, a cell phone and a tv I most likely wouldn’t be able to discern a Tuesday morning from a Friday afternoon (except that Law & Order marathons are normally on Fridays). And I feel like being sick keeps us from being a normal couple when it comes to socializing and getting out.  Then again, how do you really define a “normal” couple? Who knows, it may be us who are normal and everyone else is Cocoa Puffs. But thus I digress. Tonight, we got the opportunity to play grown-up and it was a lot of fun.

The evening was simple and more often than not the less something is, the more it means.  It was a delicious dinner, good conversation and company as well as the enlightened and entertaining innocence of youth that dually reminded me of how it was to be young and how good it is be older.

So many of us wish that we could go back to the freedom of our youth be it for a respite or for a longer period but sometimes I think its therapeutic to play grown-up. We fantasized when we were younger but we didn’t see the bills and the stress of work and responsibility but in socializing in doing adult activities with like-minded and aged people. But so few of us get to make the choice to do this, often we’re forced into these adult situations out of necessity rather than want. Last night, for a few hours, I got to escape into the present and savor the benefits of having resided in this world for the time that I have. And to my company and hosts (and the most adorable baby in the world that isn’t me), I say thank you.

And as an addendum, I believe that caboose may be my new favorite word.